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benjamin eckstein donut delights

LAS VEGAS — READ the fine print.

Some of the hotels in Vegas are gonna charge you $50 for using the small refrigerator/minibar in your room. Was visiting a friend at a room on the Strip and just read a sign that said, “pricing for all minibar items are located on the television menu under dining. A $50 per stay service fee will be applied for storing personal items or altering existing items.” Storing personal items? Like what? A half of a pastrami sandwich? A toothbrush? A smoothie?

Are you KIDDING me? Or as the great John McEnroe said, “You can NOT be serious!”

So PLZ, read the fine print! And don’t you DARE move anything around!

If you’re a fan of F1, and wanna come to the 2023 race here in Vegas next November, it’ll cost you WWWAAAYYY more than $50. Just be aware that if you’re booking a trip, the hotel rooms might be as much as three times their usual rate and packages could retail for up to $100,000. WHAT!

A few weeks ago, we told you about the dead bodies popping up in Lake Mead because of the drought. Well, they found two more, bringing the total to five. We set the OVER/UNDER at 14.5 by Christmas, and it looks like we’re gonna go OVER!

You know what’s NOT gonna cost $50 or $100,000? Randy’s Donuts! California’s 70-year-old Randy’s Donuts now has a new doughnut shop in Vegas and most of these little gems are priced under $3.00. You have probably seen the OG location in Inglewood, California, with the GINORMOUS 32-foot doughnut on top of the roof in Iron Man 2 and Mars Attacks.

If you’re in Vegas, just punch 2170 South Rainbow Boulevard into your Google maps and go get your eat on. You don’t even have to get out of your car, but you WILL probably have a substantial wait at the drive-thru. Owner Mark Kelegian estimates that 13,000 doughnuts pass through the windows daily, and they are ALL handmade. Have not been down to sample them yet, but will do shortly and give you my review.

Close it out with Decoldest Crawford from Shreveport, Louisiana. Yeah, DECOLDEST! Crawford is now a WR for the Nebraska Cornhuskers and has probably the BEST and MOST PROFITABLE name in sports. Not sure if his parents were that brilliant 19-plus years ago when they named him, but with the NIL world raging, WOW, what an effort.

Decoldest filmed a commercial for SOS Heating and Cooling in Lincoln, and it has gone viral. Just get ready, folks, because parents are gonna start naming their kids with a look ahead to signing a big fat NIL. Can’t you see it now. Say hello to my son, Coca-Cola Bernstein. Would like you to meet my new daughter, Bed, Bath and Beyond Thompson.

Obviously, I’m thinking about a name change and gonna do a Prince one-name thing. Have put in an application to change my name to ... drum roll, please ... ROLEXSTEIN!!!

Benjamin Eckstein is a nationally syndicated sportswriter/oddsmaker. His column, America’s Line, with the Ecks & Bacon appetizer, has run in the New York Daily News and over 100 other papers since 1988. You can follow him online at www.americasline.com. He is beloved by most, when he picks winners, and detested by others, when he picks the occasional loser. If you wanna piece of Eck, hit his email... ben@americasline.com.