You ever flick on your go-to sports network, watch a player and think to yourself, “I want to hang out with them?” That sounds borderline stalker when I say it aloud. Maybe I need more friends.
Regardless, some athletes just have a contagious personality that I can’t get enough of. So, I follow them on socials; I look forward to their interviews and think that I could actually be buddies with them... seriously, does anyone want to hang out?
Anyways, here’s a list of the top five that I want to kick back, relax and enjoy a beer with. Let’s crack open a cold one.
5 athletes i'm dying to drink a beer with
Keep in mind, this is purely subjective. Some of my picks and reasonings might have you shaking your head. But, a girl can dream! So, hear me out:
5. Shaquille O’Neal
How much beer do you think Shaq could drink? He’s 7-foot-1 and 325 pounds, so he’s probably a lightweight.
Shaquille O’Neill holding normal sized things pic.twitter.com/s1Bz2AXbrC— Samantha Smith (@SamanthaTaghoy) March 9, 2021
Shaq and I would have to make up for lost time as the four-time NBA champion admitted he spent a good chunk of his life sober. At 13, his dad caught him drinking a couple of casuals and proceeded to force him to drink a 12-pack of beer, a twisted parenting method that left Shaq repulsed by the taste. Whatever works, dad.
It’s time to let loose, Shaq. Let’s have a chugging contest so I can lie and say I drank you under the table. Plus, I’m certain nobody will mess with me while you’re by my side.
4: Tristan Thompson
This is purely for selfish reasons and trust me when I say, it has nothing to do with his basketball ability or personality. Mr. Thompson will get a piece of my mind for how he treated Khloe Kardashian, cheating on her while she was pregnant – twice. But really, I just need to get the inside scoop on the Kardashians, so I can sell the gossip to TMZ and get money to fund my night out with Shaq.
Im not even the one getting cheated on and I’m tired of Tristan Thompson 😂 this man is a serial cheater— LANDO M.Ed (@LandoSoReal) March 15, 2022
3. Cole Caufield
Come on, I’m a Habs fan. You didn’t think I’d write out this list and not include someone who reps red, white and blue, did you?
Caufield is a good time. No, I’ve never met him, but I just have a feeling because the 22-year-old is always laughing. I feel like we would have a blast bar-hopping, literally hopping from bar to bar because our adrenaline would be bouncing around from pure excitement.
I’m sure we’d all love cracking open some bottles with a player from our favorite team. I need to know what it’s like to play for the Montreal Canadiens – the good, the bad and the ugly (which has been the last two brutal NHL seasons). Maybe if Caufield’s lucky, I’ll give him some pointers on how to fix the Habs’ powerplay, which ranked fourth-worst in the league at 16 percent.
Habs powerplay: *gets worse*— Jacob Erikson (@JakobErikson99) January 4, 2023
2. Serena Williams
She is a powerhouse. Being in the presence of feminine legacy would make the beer taste ten times better. The 23-time Grand Slam champ has hung up her racquet and made her acting debut for a Michelob ULTRA commercial at the Super Bowl. Low-carb and low-cal, she’s speaking my language.
Sometimes, when I get a few too many beers in me, I think I’m just as tough and muscular as Serena. I’d love to sip on some beer and hear her stories about overcoming adversity to become one of the greatest of all time. She’s a perfect example of a girl’s girl, so I would finish that pint feeling more empowered than ever. Pour one out for the girlies!
1. Conor McGregor
This wouldn’t just be a beer. This would turn into the most expensive night out but I'm not dropping a dime. Somehow, we would end up on a private jet surrounded by piles of cash and Proper No. Twelve whiskey bottles. Truthfully, I worry what would happen if I turned down a drink with the fighter.
Old guy: no thanks on the whiskey I have to drive— heatdaddy (@heatdaddy69420) August 15, 2019
Conor mcgregor: pic.twitter.com/MO0BhuXVFP
I understand McGregor might not be everyone’s first choice. But, as someone that also has fiery Irish blood in their veins, I think me and the trash talker could get along quite well. I, too, consider myself pretty Notorious. No, I haven’t been keeping tally but I’m certain my bar fight wins are up to par with McGregor’s 22-6 UFC record.
One beer would turn into 10 and then we’d been downing pints of Guinness all night long, wreaking pure havoc all while oozing and dripping in luxury. A beer with McGregor would inflate my ego with untouchable confidence. So, Conor, if you ever need a 5’3 Irish lass to add to your hype crew, I am always available. Sláinte!