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Mike Tyson Set to Fight in UFC

Mike Tyson

Cris ‘Cyborg’ Justino is out of her scheduled UFC debut, but one of the biggest names in MMA will be replaced by an even bigger name in combat sports – Mike Tyson.

With Cyborg’s camp reporting a severe gastro-intestinal ailment (she reportedly was sick to her stomach at how badly she would beat underdog challenger Leslie Smith), the UFC announced that former heavyweight boxing champ and huge UFC fan Tyson would step in.

“I saw what Leslie Smith’s ear looked like in that fight with Jessica Eye and I started to get the yearning to return to the ring,” Tyson said this week. “I offered to fight with one hand tied behind my back, but Dana says that UFC fighters are better than boxers, so I get to use both hands.”

Smith’s ear was grotesquely battered in the Eye fight, reminiscent of what Evander Holyfield’s ear looked like after Tyson chomped it twice during their June 28, 1997 fight. It had been billed as The Sound And The Fury, but after Holyfield’s hearing was impaired during the multiple attacks, it became known as The Bite Fight.

Cautioned about Tyson’s potential ult-ear-ior motives for taking the fight, Smith sounded off on whether an aging male boxer could handle a modern-day female warrior. Tyson opened as a -3500 favorite on most UFC betting lines, the same line he faced in losing to Buster Douglas seven years before the Holyfield fight.

Asked if she would insist that Tyson fight with one hand tied behind her back, Smith initially stated “What? Sorry I couldn’t hear the question.”

Upon understanding the question, she stated:

“He can use both hands, I’m not worried about that,” Smith told OddsShark.com. “I just want a muzzle on him so he doesn’t chomp what’s left of my bad ear or worse yet, gnaw on the good one.”

Tyson praised Smith for remaining on the card, saying he had watched her most recent fights and noted her ‘iron chin’ and ‘plump fleshy ear lobes.’

*None of this is true, just our attempt at an April Fools joke. Hopefully you realized that before reading this.