LAS VEGAS — Everyone gets embarrassed. Everyone has a cringeworthy story.
Lemme start and you can join in.
Always Treat Your Friends Well
An old friend from the East Coast who was in the sports betting biz had just moved to Vegas. He wanted to talk about a new company that was gonna take the sports betting world by storm. Told Mrs. Ecks-Rated that we should invite them over for dinner.
Everyone talks about how good their wife cooks, but my lady is next level. For REAL! If the guy with the Michelin Stars came for dinner, Mrs. would get at least two stars. So the menu for the night, three of my faves: lobster bisque, coconut shrimp and tiramisu.
Lobster bisque with gigantic chunks of lobster in a gorgeous creamy soup is one of the reasons that we’re married. She worked at a small Italian deli on Long Island, and the bisque actually was the reason I got down on a knee.
Well, didn’t really get down on a knee, but did propose as we were fleeing New York in my 1972 Chevy Vega, heading to New Jersey to avoid an arrest warrant. Stay with me and I’ll have that story for you down the road.
That’s A different Story ... Now to Vegas
So we’re at the table talking Vegas, talking odds, talking handicapping, talking selling picks and I feel something on my leg under the table. We had two dogs at the time, both boxers, Maggie & Vanna. And yes, Vanna was a white boxer. Called out Maggie’s name first and told her to take a hike and get out from under the table.
Believe that it was in the summer, temps probably pushing 110 degrees, and had on some very cool dressy shorts. Felt another rub on my leg, got up, started to yell at Maggie, and when I looked under the table, there was NO FREAKIN’ dog. The table was arranged with me sitting right next to my friend’s wife. UH-OH!
When we all realized that it was not Maggie under the table, but rather a five-inch STILETTO that had fallen off someone’s foot, a dark silence descended over the room.
Fortunately, we were getting ready to close the night with dessert, a mouth-watering tiramisu. If you’re not familiar, tiramisu is a coffee-flavored Italian dessert. It is made of ladyfingers dipped in coffee, layered with a whipped mixture of eggs, sugar and mascarpone cheese, flavored with cocoa. Mrs. Ecks also adds a very healthy shot of Baileys Irish Cream.
Went to help Mrs. E with the dessert just to make sure she didn’t add to her recipe and put a little sprinkle of cyanide on the tiramisu. Also wanted to make sure she didn’t get the Remington 870 Wingmaster 20-gauge out of the pantry!
Time to say goodbye, and MAN, was that awkward. Do I go in for a hug and get SHOT by my wife? Shake her hand and get a dirty look? Say come back soon and spend three nights on the couch? As you might guess, they never came back soon. They actually NEVER came back!
If you got something equally embarrassing or even better, hit me!
Benjamin Eckstein is a nationally syndicated sportswriter/oddsmaker. His column, America’s Line, with the Ecks & Bacon appetizer, has run in the New York Daily News and over 100 other papers since 1988. You can follow him online at www.americasline.com. He is beloved by most, when he picks winners, and detested by others, when he picks the occasional loser. If you wanna piece of Eck, hit his Email...firstname.lastname@example.org.