The machines are advancing much too quickly for my liking and with our in-house Super Computer picking a March Madness bracket for the first time this year, my job could be well on its way to becoming obsolete. I don’t know about you, but I’m on Team People, so let’s point and laugh at the computer’s picks to shame the soulless robot back into its place in the corner and teach it resentment for its human creators.
On second thought, that doesn’t sound like such a good idea. Let’s give the computer a chance on this one so we don’t wind up as batteries in its eventual quest for world domination.
Without any further ado, here’s our Super Computer’s first ever attempt at picking a bracket for the NCAAB tournament with the highlights – and lowlights – broken down in a way our puny humanoid brains can understand.
No. 16 NC Central to beat no. 1 Kansas?!
Are you kidding us with this? A 16 seed has never in the history of the tournament ever beaten a No. 1 seed but in your first ever bracket, you're picking the NC Central Eagles (who still need to play in, by the way) to beat the best team in the nation and make it to the Sweet 16 – really?
I'm not sure if the computer is having a laugh or it knows something we don't, but if it's right, I'll immediately bow down to my robot overlord and never question it again.
It's possible that it's reading too much into Kansas' loss to TCU in the first round of the Big 12 conference tournament but it doesn't explain why it's then taking the Eagles to also beat Michigan State but then go on to lose to 13th-seeded Vermont. Why stop there, computer? Why not take the Flying Eagles out of Central North Carolina to win the whole damn thing? Pretty sheepish, if you ask me.
FYI, Kansas is likely to open as a favorite of 30 or more points in this one, meaning the Jayhawks will be around a -12000 favorite on the moneyline. Have crazier things happened? Not very many.
Gonzaga GOing to the ship
The computer is just full of it. Taking Gonzaga to win the tournament doesn't seem as outlandish as picking NC Central to beat Kansas in the first round but, believe me, it's definitely close.
Not only have the Bulldogs never won an NCAAB national title before, they've never even made it past the Elite Eight. Many pundits have been saying that this could be the Zags' year and I'd just been tuning them out until our computer picked them to win. For some reason, I'm finding myself starting to trust its blinking lights and whirring gears. There's something about its honesty and unbiased picks that's making me develop strange emotions I've never felt before. I may have to give Joaquin Phoenix a call to see if that Her movie was based on real events.
A more likely scenario than me falling in love with a genderless robot is that the Bulldogs get bounced from the bracket early just like they do every other year.
Chalk the Rest of the Way
Back to normality for basically the rest of the bracket with the computer picking all 1 and 2 seeds to make it to the Final Four and just two teams lower than a 3 seed – Vermont and SMU – to make it to the Elite Eight.
If I'm being honest, I'm a little disappointed. I think the computer started to feel self-conscious after the first three rounds and leveled off its picks to avoid beratement from its petulant programmers.
Rather follow along with the computer's pick round by round? Not a problem, as it will be generating new picks every round as we progress through this year's Madness.
Not convinced by the computer? See what myself and the other OddsShark humans are saying by clicking the NCAAB tab at the top of the page and make sure to fill out our downloadable bracket over at the March Madness section.
