Well, this escalated quickly. Didn't it?
Elon Musk, as he so often does, exposed his Twitter faithful to his internal ravings, this time suggesting he should fight fellow billionaire and tech giant Mark Zuckerberg in the "Vegas Octagon."
Zuck, 39, an avid UFC fan and practicing mixed martial artist, immediately clapped back, inviting Musk to send the location for their future fight.
With Zuckerberg's fighting flair, he's a whopping -500 favorite over the 51-year-old Musk (+300) in this hypothetical MMA match. Those odds imply the Facebook founder has an 83.33% chance to win. Sounds about right.
Elon Musk vs Mark Zuckerberg Fight Odds
Odds as of June 22
How Elon Musk Wins This Fight
Luckily, the Nevada State Athletic Commission no longer penalizes athletes for marijuana violations. And this is good for Elon. Zuckerberg would whoop him, so Musk, through clever negotiation or by screaming at people until they cry, must implement a mandatory "weed clause" into this fight. Both fighters must be high.
I'm not sure Mr. Zuck stands much of a chance against a few tokes of the finest jazz cabbage in Vegas. The sweet scents of that Sin Spinach might just scramble his circuit boards.
From there, it's simple. With Zuckerberg incapacitated, Musk can utilize the tactic he's called "the Walrus," which just involves flopping on top of your opponent and laying there for the duration of the bout.
How Mark Zuckerberg Wins This Fight
Easy. Zuck indulges Elon in a conversation about his newest, most brilliant social network start-up, "Privilege Punch." It's an app that randomly matches millionaires looking to project their frustrations onto lesser folk with poor people who accept cash to receive a one-way beating. There's a $50 limit — this isn't a charity — and no fighting back, please. The rich don't like to be touched.
As Musk starts shaking and drooling at the idea of such a lucrative business model, Zuckerberg suggests the addition of a filter where the millionaires can select if they want their human punching bag to be vaccinated or not. This gets Elon really excited.
Just when I thought 2020 couldn’t get any worse I found this picture of Mark Zuckerberg surfing in Hawaii pic.twitter.com/5mpDtaKoTs— Izaiah (@IzaiahTilton) July 19, 2020
Zuckerberg, now having fully riled up his opponent, ducks back toward his cornermen, who lube him up with sunscreen for increased mobility. He whizzes back toward Musk, sweeps his legs, takes his back and secures the rear-naked choke for the win.
Elon Musk vs Mark Zuckerberg Pick
Um, I think I laid everything out as clearly and as sanely as possible. Zuck by submission. Take it to the bank.