Las Vegas — HEART ATTACK!!!
Out on the town this past Saturday night and walked by the Heart Attack Grill on the corner of Las Vegas Boulevard and Fremont Street. My girl asked me if I had ever been inside and I said no, not really interested in that kinda food.
Then the other day, I dig up a story that the restaurant’s unofficial spokesman had died of an apparent heart attack. WOW! According to the Las Vegas Sun, 52-year-old John Alleman collapsed as he waited at a bus stop in front of the restaurant and died a few days later.
Just in case you’re wondering, lemme set the stage. When you walk in, you’ll be greeted by a waitress in a short nurse’s outfit ready to “admit you.” She’ll give you a hospital wristband and a gown. Then take you over to the scale where you’ll weigh in to see if you qualify to eat free. If you’re over 350 pounds, you meal is COMP’ED!
The go-to on the menu is the “Quadruple Bypass Burger” weighing in at ONLY 9,982 calories. It consists of four half-pound hamburgers, three tablespoons of lard, 20 slices of bacon, eight slices of American cheese, 20 slices of caramelized onion baked in lard, eight tomato slices, one tablespoon of mayonnaise, two tablespoons of ketchup, and one tablespoon of mustard.
And, and, AND, if you finish the entire “Quadruple Bypass Burger,” you get a wheelchair ride out to your car by your nurse.
Oh yeah, they also serve jello shots from a giant syringe!
Just a note of caution. Check your cholesterol level before walking through the door!
Gonna rock the college football board tonight. For a minute, forget about the superior ACC vs the Sun Belt, and focus on a Virginia showdown between Old Dominion and Virginia Tech.
ODU and VTech are at opposite ends of the state, about 280 miles and a five-hour drive apart. The Monarchs play host and were a 7.5-point underdog when we placed our bet (now down to +6). Dominion will not have 100,000 fans tonight, but the 22,480 at S.B. Ballard Stadium will be NUTZ!
If you’re in Norfolk, we would suggest you watch the Monarch March from the Webb Center to the stadium. The team marches into the stadium where they all touch the head of an ODU lion before heading inside. C’MON. Tell me you’re not shaking with anticipation.
Why ODU? Last season, the Monarchs started UGLY, losing six of their first seven, but closed on a 5-0 run and even went to the Myrtle Beach Bowl Game. They should carry Uncle Mo into the 2022 season with QB Hayden Wolff (1,933 yards and 10 touchdowns with a 63 percent completion rate) back under center.
Old Dominion returns 10 starters on offense and seven on the defensive side. The Hokies will be searching for some continuity under first-year head coach Brent Pry but have only four kids returning on offense. You know that Monarch butterflies look spectacular, and your bank account will also when ODU covers this spread!
And I’ll say this as LOUD as possible. Anyone that calls, emails or texts you selling picks, and claims that they hit 70 percent winners, PLZ HANG UP THE PHONE, PLZ TRASH THE EMAIL, PLZ DELETE THE TEXT!!!
Benjamin Eckstein is a nationally syndicated sportswriter/oddsmaker. His column, America’s Line, with the Ecks & Bacon appetizer, has run in the New York Daily News and over 100 other papers since 1988. You can follow him online at www.americasline.com. He is beloved by most, when he picks winners, and detested by others, when he picks the occasional loser. If you wanna piece of Eck, hit his Email... email@example.com.
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