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What's a Christmas Wish List item for all 20 EPL teams?
English Premier League

Christmas Wishes For All 20 Premier League Teams

Michel Anderson Published on: Dec 18, 2023 4:25 PM ET

It's the season of giving. Or so I'm told. Christmas isn't my thing. All I care for is a nice big dinner with a ton of gravy, But I'm in a giving mood so I'm making one Christmas wish come true for each of the 20 English Premier League sides. 

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Arsenal - Don't Give Up The Lead

Last season Arsenal was eight points clear at the top of the Premier League table by April. But they got too cozy at the summit of English football and let it slip through their hands.

Now, the Gunners are back at the top of the league. You better believe Mikel Arteta is wishing for consistency through the rest of the season. 

Aston Villa - No Brake Pads

Unlike your car, Villa doesn't want their brake pads to work. With back-to-back 1-0 wins over Manchester City and Arsenal proved they're a top side in the EPL and title challengers. 

Since Unai Emery took over in October 2022 the midlands squad has gone on a 27-9-6 run. That's a 90-point season. Last year, City won the league with 89 points. In this kind of form, Villa could surprise everyone and win the league. So long as they don't stop. 

Bournemouth - Make a God Level January Signing

It's great that Dominik Solanke has eight goals in the season. But getting goals from a single source isn't ideal. Teams will find a way to mark him out of the game and when they do they take the Cherries goals with him. 

The wish is to hit on a January transfer that can give Bournemouth two aces. 

Brentford - Home Cooking

For a team hoping to stay in the top half and maybe even push up the table, the Bees need to do better on home field. With a 3-3-3 record, they've managed to pick up as many points at home as Nottingham Forest. Change that and change their trajectory in the table.

Brighton & Hove Albion - Play some Defense

The Gulls have the 10th lowest xGA on the year, that might sound good, but they had the 7th lowest last year. Brighton is creating and scoring as expected but they aren't defending as well as they can. 

Burnley - Create Some Damn Goals

With 16 goals, Burnley has the second-lowest goal total of the year. They scored five of those against Fulham. Outside of that win against the Cottagers, Burnley is scoring 0.69 goals per 90. That's mightly close to Derby's goal rate from 07-08. If they want to stay up that HAS to change. 

Chelsea - Convert Chances

As a Liverpool fan, I love seeing Chelsea outside of the top 6. But look, I'm in a giving mood. So for Chelsea's wish, they'll start converting their chances. With 33.3 xG they're third in the league in chances created but ninth chances scored. Keep the goals to xG differential close and Chelsea is much higher in the table. 

The main culprits? Nicholas Jackson holds a -2.8 goals scored above expected (GSAx) while Enzo Fernandez is also -2.8 GSAx. So they can choose one to fix.

Crystal Palace - A Damn Win

Palace hasn't won in their last six games. Sure, getting a draw against City after going two goals down is a miracle in and of itself, but I'm giving them one win. It's all they need to get on track. 

Everton - A Haters Rolodex

Everton started the year poorly and then got that 10-point deduction. The list of haters was long. Now they've picked up four wins on the bounce and find themselves seven points ahead of the drop zone and knocking on the door to the top half. I bet they'd love to have Sean Dyche gravelly cold-call all those haters to say: "How do you like us now?"

Fulham - Get Aleksandar Mitrovic Back

Fulham's 26 goals is a respectable 10th in the Premier League. But imagine how good they'd be with Mitro leading the line. The Serbian scored 14 goals in the Prem last year and scored 15 in 16 games for Al-Hilal this year.

Liverpool - Stop Conceding First

I'm glad that Liverpool has shown they can come from behind and win, but can we just, I don't know, NOT? I'm on four different heart meds I could do without the extra stress of all these come-from-behind victories.

Luton Town - The 10 Points Everton Lost

The Hatters are going to be in a relegation battle all season long. The smallest side to ever play in the Prem would love to get those 10 points the FA took from Everton to keep their hopes of a second season in the top flight alive.

Manchester City - FA Forgets Financial Breaches

Speaking of a points deduction, Manchester City has 115 financial breaches they've got to defend with the FA. If Everton lost 10 points for just one violation, how big will City's deduction be? 1,150 points?! Their wish is that the FA just forgets about all those breaches.

Manchester United - A League Goal From A Forward

From matchweek 5 through 17, United have three goals from forwards; Garnacho, Rashford and Martial. That's horrendous. (But as a Liverpool fan it's hilarious). 

Newcastle - Beat AC Milan

I get this isn't a league thing, but you know Newcastle wants that AC Milan game on match day 6 in the Champions League back. They dominated the first half and then wilted in the second half. Had Joelinton and Almiron put away their chances in the opening 26 minutes they'd be in the knockout stage.

Nottingham Forest - Healthy Taiwo Awoniyi

The Trees don't score enough goals for their top scorer to be out till March. Since Awoniyi's injury Forest is 0-1-4 scoring three goals. At this rate, they'll be out of the league before Awoniyi gets back to the pitch.

Sheffield United - A Save Or Two?

Sheffield sucks. They could use all every other team's wish. But how about a save from goalie Wes Foderingham? A 66% SV% is what you call a Swiss-cheese level of goalkeeping. He's full of holes. You think he would have become a better goalie since Di Canio subbed him off 21 minutes into a League One game. 

Tottenham  - Getting That Son OG Back

Son's OG in the 9th minute against City was awful for Spurs fans. If Tottenham just deals with the free kick as they've done a million times, they likely win the game. Beating City is always fun, for any team in the league. 

West Ham United - Jarrod Bowen Stays Long Term

Sure, he just signed a contract recently and said he wants to stay with the Hammers for life. But money talks and if Liverpool or Newcastle come in (both have been reportedly interested in Bowen) with a massive transfer fee and weekly wages he could be swayed. 

Wolves - Pedro Neto Gets Back ASAP

With seven helpers to his name (in only 10 games), losing Neto to injury was a massive setback. With 0.91 goal-creating actions per 90, he was the sixth-best player in the league at carving up defensive lines. Having that type of quality back in the lineup could change them from a bottom-half side to a middle-of-the-table side, maybe more.

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